


Harry Potter and the Pest of Azkaban

by CaedmonOfTheHighland



Series: Caedmon's 3am Short Fics [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Draco Malfoy in Azkaban, Gen, Harry Potter in Azkaban, Lmao does this qualify as a crack fic?, Oneshot, Platonic Drarry - Freeform, demigod - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:35:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24303010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaedmonOfTheHighland/pseuds/CaedmonOfTheHighland
Summary: Just a quick, platonic Drarry in jail OneshotDraco Malfoy was thrown into Azkaban with his parents after the downfall of the Dark Lord. Six months later, when he's settled in as much as one can settle in when they're living on an island of misery and death, a new and surprising inmate takes up residency in the cell across from him. What is Harry Potter doing in Azkaban and why does he seem convinced that he can them get out?
Series: Caedmon's 3am Short Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1828057
Kudos: 50





	Harry Potter and the Pest of Azkaban

Tap-tap-tap-tap

The rain dripped down the bars of Draco's cell at a mind-numbing rhythm. He shivered, the harsh temperature of the December night getting to him as he sat, huddled in the threadbare blanket that was provided with his cell. Draco was most certainly living in luxury. His cell was a 100 by 100 inch square with a mattress so hard it could have been made out of the same material of the floor and a toilet tucked away in the corner. The blond lay on his cement block of a bed, staring up at the ceiling and counting the drips.

Tap- five hundred and three- tap- five hundred and four -tap - Five hundred and five-

His counting was interrupted by the sound of shuffling feet. Draco's face curled into a sneer as he prepared for Aurors to walk past, jeering at him. His prediction proved partially correct when three men came into view, two of them wearing pristine navy blue robes with gold trims. The man in the middle donned the proper attire for an inmate. A grey shirt, grey pants, grey socks and of course, a little grey hat. 

The colour scheme of the uniforms was something that Draco bitched about for weeks when he was first imprisoned. He would complain to anyone that would listen about how his father would hear about the horrid, repulsive clothes he was being forced to wear. in response, he had gotten an Irritated cry from Lucius Malfoy himself to 'Shut his trap before he broke out of his cell and strangled him'

From that point on, Draco kept to himself. It wasn't hard, the inmates were not the most talkative group of people that were ever graced with his presence. Most spent their days in a daze, not moving from their spot on the ground until it was time to eat the meagre food that was given to them. Once they had eaten, they sat back down onto the same spot on the floor they had been sitting in previously and continued to stare lifelessly at the bars keeping them away from the outside world.

Draco found this routine to be terribly boring but after being in there for six months, he could understand why they did it. He found that when he retreated into his mind instead of facing the harsh reality of his life, he left behind the cold, hunger, and fear. Of course, this was mind-numbing so the energetic young man could only suffer like that a certain amount of time.

It's safe to say that Draco Malfoy was overjoyed at the addition of a new inmate. While he regretted that the new face would have to suffer the way that he was, Draco revelled in the thought of being able to talk to someone again. To learn about the outside world, to learn about them, to learn anything really. Besides, he was sure that whatever the man did, he bloody well deserved his place here; while the Ministry had become a great deal less relaxed when it came to more minor offences such as not registering your animagus or using an unforgivable on an animal, this particular ward of Azkaban was reserved for the worst. The mass murderers, the death eaters, the hitmen, the terrorists. They were all stored away in this little slice of the prison. 

The new inmate was tossed into the cell with a lot more care than he would have gotten if he was any other prisoner (Which was actually not all that much care). They didn't insult him or spit at him, they just locked the door and walked away. It was only once the Aurors had moved out of the way that Draco got a real look at the new addition. He must've been 19 or 20 years old, maximum. His face had traces of baby fat left on it and quite frankly, Draco wanted to pinch his cheeks like a muggle grandmother. 

His hair was raven and if you were to show Draco a black rat's nest and the man's mane of hair, he would not be able to tell them apart. His disgustingly grey clothes were soaked and nearly transparent from being escorted inside in the rain. They clung to him, showing very clearly a map of scars that started at his collarbone and stretched down all the way to his lower abdomen. 

The man was strangely familiar. Draco guessed it was someone he knew before he landed himself in Azkaban. He did not realize how right he was in his assumptions until the man looked up, killing curse eyes meeting mercury ones. Eyes that haunted his dreams. They were the eyes of Harry Potter, the saviour of the wizarding world.

"Potter?" He asked incredulously, not quite ready to believe that the world would throw the boy who lived into wizarding prison.

One of Harry's, dark eyebrows rose in Draco's direction. A dripping hand swept dark locks off of his forehead, putting his scar on full display.

"The one and only."

Draco's eyes bulged. He figured he must be hallucinating. How else could he explain the fact that his rival was sitting in the cell across from him? He decided he didn't quite like this hallucination, it felt a bit too real. He had no knowledge on how to deal with a hallucination. Perhaps he should pinch himself like the people in all of those cheesy muggle novels he had read when he was first detained and being kept in the ministry. He tried just that but Harry Potter did not disappear in a wisp of smoke or fade away slowly. What did happen however was Draco bruising his pale skin. 

'Perhaps a stronger sensation then' Draco thought before slamming his head into a wall. 

Across from him, Potter scrambled up and pressed himself against the bars. His face was half shocked, half concerned. 

"Are you mad!" He yelped when Draco's slumped form started to move again.

The Malfoy considered the question. In truth, the possibility that he was mad was a very large one. With all the time he had spent around the dementors and the severe brain damage he most probably sustained from his run-in with the wall, Draco should be nuttier then Albus Dumbledore.

He didn't admit this to Potter though. 

"You wish Potter. But now that you're here I'm bloody well going to be. Your only talent is driving me crazy." he scoffed at the raven-haired man across from him.

Harry waved his hands in a placating manner.

"Of course. You... er, might want to check on that head injury though. The blood running down your face is a bit unnerving,"

Draco brought his hand to his forehead and sure enough, it was damp. Once his fingers reached eye level, it was confirmed that he was bleeding from the head. 

Shrugging, he wrapped his blanket around his head like a towel, making himself vulnerable to the bite of the cold air. Harry snorted at the sight. They sat in silence for a while, listening to the rain fall endlessly.

"Why the hell are you here?" Draco asked, suddenly remembering his thoughts from when Harry was being dragged in.

"They seem to think I'm a murderer," Harry replied dismissively 

"And are you?" 

"Hmm. Well, I suppose I am in a way."

Draco stared at him, waiting for him to elaborate.

"I er... met my father and he wasn't exactly who I thought he was. He gave me the choice between doing fieldwork or paperwork and here I am."

Draco narrowed his eyes.

"And who exactly is your father?"

Harry looked mildly uncomfortable. He seemed to debate whether or not telling Draco was a good idea. 

" Ah fine, I'll just have to bring you with me when I go back," he said as he decided.

"Well?" Draco asked, making a go on gesture with his hands.

"Er turns out my parents were a tad kinky. But of course, being Potters, they couldn't do anything the normal way. So instead of er... looking for a third party, they summoned the god of death."

Draco gave Percy a long stare.

"Your parents had a threesome with the god of death? Your father?" He drawled. "Don't be absurd,"

"That would be it, yeah" 

"And you asked me if I was sane. You're the one who's barking mad Potter,"

Harry rubbed the back of his neck. 

"Yeah, it is a bit outlandish."

"You're telling me," 

Harry's eyes narrowed at the sarcasm and suddenly, the killing curse eyes met his silver ones again. 

"Why aren't you mad?" he inquired suddenly.

"What do you mean why am I not mad Potter?"

"I mean you're exactly the same as in school, except a bit bored."

Draco shrugged.

"I grew up rather miserable and lonely. I also live with the dark lord for quite a while. I'd say that gets you pretty well acquainted with death and sorrow."

Instead of the sympathetic look Draco had been expecting, A feral grin spread across Harry's face.

"Wow Malfoy, there may be hope for you yet."

"For what? I've already become an apathetic, self-destructive bastard if that's what you're referring to."

"I have been in need of a partner..." Harry muttered

Malfoy was watching the nutcase across from him in horror.

"Partner?"

"I do think that he'll be good for the job." harry finished his thought. "Well Malfoy, what would you say to getting out of here?"

"That's impossible."

"But if you could?"

"Of course I'd leave, anywhere is better than this filthy barn of a prison."

Harry grinned again.

"Well then Malfoy, looks like it's time to get going."

Harry backed into the shadows, like a madman and a hand found itself on Draco's shoulder.

Much against his will, Draco jumped and screamed shrill.

This caused Harry to break down in laughter, a feat that should not be possible with the number of dementors lurking around.

"What the everliving fuck are you doing Potter? How did you do that? And stop laughing you prat,"

Harry simply put a hand on Draco's mattress to support himself as he continued to laugh.

Draco glared at Harry's shaking form before pulling the other man up.

"Bloody hell Potter, you weight more than a freight train"

Harry didn't respond, instead opting to extend his hand in Malfoy's direction.

"Well then Malfoy, are you ready?"

"Ready for what exactly?"

"Well first you'd have to meet my father but then we get to work together. You know, Child murder, Soul collecting, murder of Adults, soul collecting, murder of the elderly... oh, did I say soul collecting. Besides, you get to leave this dingy place." He gestures around them.

Draco considered Potter's offer. 

"Bah, who doesn't love killing off a racist grandmother or two," he said, extending a hand to Harry's. The last Potter grabbed it and pulled him towards the shadows.

"Exactly my point."

The pair shadow travelled away, leaving the rest of the inmates in shock. At least for them, it was quiet once again now that they were rid of the pest of Azkaban.

***

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not too sure why this exists, to be honest. I wrote it in the middle of the night, it's short, and frankly, my 10-year-old niece could spell better than I can. Despite that, here's a kind of platonic Draco/Harry Jail AU where Malfoy's going out of his mind and Harry is not at all okay either. I hope you've enjoyed it though. 
> 
> Best wishes,
> 
> Caedmon


End file.
